Basement Stairs Ideas

So I am thinking about remodeling my basement stairs this summer.
Here they are now

I found this ideas online and loved them:

Here is one idea I had. Since there is brown rubber on the stairs I am using Tiffany Blue and a brown vinyl saying.

This is the stuff!

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind
Whoa

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use
***********************************************************************************

I heard this song today and felt the need to share it! A lot has been going on in my life in the last couple months. I have struggled with relationships, friend, family, job and money. I have felt alone and let down. Today I heard this song and thought about all the "BAD" things that have been going on and all the of the good that has come of it. I am currently in the process of starting a new job that is so much better than the job and I was left go from that I spent days crying over. It is shocking how bad things seem in the moment and how amazing they can turn out. We have been having family struggles and while they are completely over the things that have come out of these hard times are amazing. My mom for the first time became a Christ follower!! I am so thankful that I would go through all the hell again and again if it means my mom would be saved. I am so grateful that even when I have doubts God has my back. I need to remember that I DON'T DRIVE THE BUS. Someone a lot smarter than me has the wheel and is always looking out for me. I just need to remember to have Faith and not just when its easy.

God is good :) And I am Blessed!

I am a Supermodel in my Zumba class

So I know that everyone has seen these pictures a lot but they still make me laugh. I went to a Zumbathon this past weekend to raise money for ALS. It was a blast and we raised $3k and I burned 1148 calories! I was shocked to see some of the girls in the crowd and how smokin hott they looked doing Zumba and off balanced and clutsy the rest of us looked. I feel like I am like a supermodel dancing and I realized looking at the crowd that only about 2% of the girls actually did look good. I also realized I don't care!! I don't know if it is the endorphins or what but I feel like a rockstar/supermodel at every class. I cant remember the last time I did a workout out and felt good about myself! Part of finding my healthy is about finding a healthy relationship with exercise,. I am learning how to pump myself up and be proud of my workouts nad not down on the parts I cant do. My rheumatoid arthritis makes it hard/painfull to do all the jumping but I do what my body will let me and have found I am just so thankful I am able to move at all. My RA has not progressed too far and I am thankful everyday because I know that it could be and might be so much worse. I have found a way to get the workout and keep moving and a way to feel good about myself. Supermodels beware I am coming after your job! LMAO

Brandy, Belinda, Me and Jessica at the Zumbathon :)

Love Letters and Lies

So how bad could you love life be when you receive love letters in the mail saying things like, and I quote, “I truly believe you were and still are my soulmate.” “I am tired of waiting this might scare you but I want to marry you”

Well to start this story I have to take you back a few years to when Tad first told me he loved me. It was a horrible situation because I was dating his best friend at the time, Jack. I completely blew Tad off and didn’t think anything of it because I was with Jack and Tad should have known that I wouldn’t cheat or leave Jack. So before Tad left for the Air Force he left me my first love letter. (Which I still have) While he was in boot camp we wrote back and forth about everything. I was his lifeline and one of the only people who kept in contact with him. I told Tad in a letter that Jack and I had broken up and he replied back about how this would be our chance. Needless to say by the time Tad came home I was back with Jack. Tad and I went out on one date but my heart wasn’t in it so I ended things after the date. Tad was crushed and could barely speak to me.

Now we fast forward about a year and I started to receive the letters again. Jack and I were still together but I continued to write to Tad who was now stationed on the east coast. About a year later I found out that Jack, who was living with me at the time, was cheating on me. He would leave our bed at like 9pm and claim to be going to his church to set up for youth group or making lessons for it. He was actually going to meet up with an underage girl from his youth group. Tad was there for me through the breakup and even though Jack was his best friend took my side. Tad and I increased our conversations over the next year. Talking on the phone, making plans for me to come stay with him and how we would be married.

From Tad: “im sorry for everything i have ever done to you. I was all fucked up the last time we saw each other. I was stupid back then and im paying for it know. you are always on my mind i cant get you out of my head. You are the only girl for me you will always be the only girl for me. I love you so much i want to marry you and spend the rest of my days trying to make you happy. Im done with this single life done with playing games with these chicken head girls. My dad once told me to find the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with and hold on to her forever, for me that girl is you. If you never want to talk to me again i will understand i have been an asshole to you and I deserve what i get.”

That following September I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and had to begin chemo… Tad was MIA in my life.

For a little perspective here is an email to Tad from Me
“I started to really fall for you and you pushed me away> You didnt text me back you didnt even seem to care that I was pouring my heart out to you. What do you want me to say... I feel like it would be easier if I said I hated you and had no feelings for you and that you blew every chance I would ever give you. But it would be a lie... I am so hurt that you didnt even see me and you were here for 2 weeks. I waited to hear from you everynight and I went to 211 hopping you would show up and nothing. You didnt make an effort. I feel like I am so stupid for even still caring about you at all. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST THAT WHAT YOU SAY IS TRUE.”

He responded:

“Hey Idk what's your deal. Keep playing your childish games keep playing this BS game where I'm the bad Guy but it takes 2 to tango don't forget how u left Me for my best friend I'm free of you're curse and burdon so fuck off and die along because you desrve everything you get cause your a heartless soulless bitch how stomps on guys heart piss off”

You would think this is where the story ends but you would be wrong.

Fast forward to this last September (2011) I was dating Chuck a married man who claimed to be separated but his wife had just poked her head into our relationship and claimed she “wanted to give her family another chance” and out of nowhere Tad send me a letter. He had been deployed to Qatar and claimed that even though we had not spoken in a year he missed me. “Hey how are you I'm sorry about last time we talked. I'm not working any angle I just wanted to see how u are and see if there is anyway we can just be friends again I hope you are well and if I don't hear from you I hope your doing well” I took the chance and started to text and write to Tad one more time. I had hurt him and he had hurt me but we had never really given each other a chance. Meanwhile Chuck and I breakup and Tad and I start planning for his trip home in February for my birthday. I fall head first back into our old habits. He writes to me “I miss you more and more everyday.” “You’re the only reason why I am making it through this (the deployment) I can’t wait to see you again you always make my days so much better” “You are the best thing that ever happened to me” this continues till he arrives state side in January.

The next thing I hear from him is that he isn’t coming home for my birthday but will try for the end of February. Then the next thing I hear after a week of silence is that he isn’t coming home at all. He doesn’t say anything to me on my birthday and all he says on Valentines Day is hope all is well… And then conveniently he posts on Facebook yesterday that he is “in a relationship” with some girl. I am pissed and call him a liar and he says “I am not a liar what I said was true I’m not saving myself and being alone for the next however long” I reply back about how he used me to get through a difficult time and just blew me off when life got easy and his response back was “Whatever Im sorry I am happy and your not”

Here are my thoughts on this and then the rant will be over I swear.
Number 1 if I were “the one” then wouldn’t you think he would have the decency to give me a heads up on the dating other people thing before he tells Facebook?
And Number 2 Has the word love completely lost all meaning?

How is girl supossed to find the right guy when even the wrong guy has the right words??

Intro to my blog

I have one of those lives that you see in the movies… and not the good ones where is all rainbows and sunshine and happy endings. No I have the one where the guy blows the girl off on Valentines’ day and she gets fired and escorted out of her work with no reason. The kind of movie where you think “wow I am glad I am not her”

Don’t worry this will not be a sob story of all the stupid stuff that happens to me. Instead I want to put my life out there to show how bad things happen to good people but you have to push on.

To start I should tell you a little about my past so you will understand why 2012 has to be a better year. LOL

I was finally diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in Sept 2010 after suffering for 10 years without treatment. Every Doctor told me it was something else and no one did anything to help. I did have carpel tunnel surgery on both hands and had a bilateral tendon release done. (For those that don’t know what that is: basically you scrape off all the tissue off of the tendons so that you can bend your fingers without them getting stuck) This did help some but didn’t stop the progression of the RA. In September 2010 I started low dose chemotherapy. (Yes the same stuff you treat cancer with) I take 8 pills of Methotrexate once a week for the rest of my life. My hair started falling out but with the help of some great shampoo I am able to keep most of it attached to my head. Thank the Lord!

Also, I may have a little control issue in my life and unfortunately it has affected my health a ton. When I am struggling for control in one area of my life I tend to over control others as in my eating habits and workout habits. I have been known for most of my adult life to eat only one meal a day and then workout until I hurt myself. One doctor said I was basically an overweight anorexic… Casey can back me up on this cause it is her number one complaint about me but I am working on it.

I am also the queen for bad relationships. I am serious! From I guy that hit me, to guy that left my bed to go date another girl while claiming he was “going to teach at youth group” to a married guy who claimed to be separated from his wife and then she came back into the picture and he “just cant decide” between us to a guy who write me love letters claiming I am “The ONE” who is dating another girl and doesn’t understand why I cant be happy for him.

 I am starting this blog after some encouragement from my best friend Casey. I feel like it will be fun to reflect on the crap that I survive and honestly it will be fun just to purge it all out lol. I am not a perfect speller (I am dyslexic) and my grammar sucks. So read, enjoy and try not to sweat the small stuff.

Casey and Me :)